Field Dossier:
Barely A Cat
Status, Cat Probability: 49-51% (the needle trembles, refuses to decide)
Evidence Table
Observed traits entered without enthusiasm.
- AFour limbs: accounted for, though one may be a fold.
- BRound eyes: present, shine like someone left a lamp on.
- CMakes a noise: a soft burr-half-peep recorded at 02:11; waveform resembles a shrug.
- DExtremely small: either very tiny or very far away; both columns marked with a shaky tick.
- ETail? Possibly. A shadow implies intent but not commitment.
Scale Panel
A ruler stands confidently; the floor dwarfs it anyway. Subject aligns with the 0-1 mark and the 30-31 mark depending on how you squint. Pencil scratches label distances as "near-ish" and "unhelpfully far." A sticky note reads: Object may be 3-7 cm tall, unless it is 3-7 m away, in which case, still small for a cat, alarmingly big for a dust bunny.
Fig. 02, subject location: ambiguous, along the ruler or well beyond it.
Habitat Log Line
Sightings occur in rooms that refuse to hold still. Carpets blur. Corners tilt. The subject tends to appear near baseboards during warm light, as if installed by sunset. Recorded perches: the seam between two tiles, the exact center of a sun patch, a spot that might be a spot. Distances reported as: arm's reach, almost, and no longer there.
Set-List Entry: Attempts To Enhance
Controls arrayed like they know what they're doing: ENHANCE, SHARPEN, CONTRAST++, NIGHT-VISION, CSI ZOOM 800%. Each press reconsiders clarity and chooses softness instead; edges blur kindly, truth glows away. The ENHANCE button, emboldened and insincere, makes the image softer with every click. A sidebar of fake toggles-Whisker Finder, Meow Normalizer, Ear Geometry-lights up in sequence, discovers vibes. The Proof Stamp waits. When the Cat Probability flickers at exactly 50, it flips with a heavy clack to read: Certified: Barely.
